Wind Carries Everything Away
No one but me by the fire my hands burning red in the palms while the night wind carries everything away outside. Oh how I long to be free from all my troubles; where I don’t have to feel the need to always explain myself out of my many mishaps and slip ups; where I don’t feel I always need to justify everything I do in my life; where I am not constantly feeling judged or ridiculed for my past mistakes; where I can live a life of freedom from my past.
Don’t get me wrong, I want to be accountable. But when is enough, enough for the horrible decisions I have made? Why do I constantly have to go back to the beginning or constantly have to relive my worst nightmare? Why do I have to feel that there is constantly wrong in everything I do? Is that just me doubting myself; or are others having doubt about my success in life? Can others ever get past what bad choices and decisions I have chosen to make?
Anyhow, I can’t take much more of having to consistently explain my troubles away. Oh jeez, I hope this is understandable because at times I feel misunderstood by others. It troubles me greatly and hurts the very core of my heart muscles to feel others may have their doubts about me. Or is it just me having doubt and possibly me just not having enough faith in myself to believe I can do it? because there was a point in my life where I was trapped by insinuating circumstances where I felt I did not have much choice in the decisions I was making. And now I do and that is what scares me most of all - knowing I am capable of many things and I am ultimately afraid to own up to my dreams that are staring me right in the face. I am too afraid to capture them in the palm of my hands. I need to believe in myself and stop hiding from my hopes and dreams, to face them toe to toe or head or whatever because I am a new person inside and out. Oh wait, actually, it has been hiding for many a century just waiting to explore the bright amazing world that is still willing to accept me full force, to honestly see me for me, that lonely seashell that doesn’t have to hide in the ocean anymore, that can truly come back to the surface because there is no one but me by the fire, my hands burning red in the palms while the night wind carries everything away outside.